


All These Things That I’ve Done

by TheCorkTree



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angel Wings, Blood and Injury, M/M, There's not so much blood to be honest, but maybe someone is susceptible so it is right that I say it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28832154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCorkTree/pseuds/TheCorkTree
Summary: Gerard misses being a “good Angel”, misses making people smile and bringing joy in their life, misses being a guardian Angel, and he’s tired of breaking people’s heart and hopes and making them suffer.Frank is so young, he’s so innocent and he’s paying for his parents’ crimes, he’s going to be forever alone and that’s not how is life is going to end, since he has lots of year to live and to make spectacular.Frank is his desire of being a good Angel again that is finally telling him to stop with this miserable work and start to act again like a real Angel.“Okay Frank… Close your eyes.”
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Kudos: 2





	1. The First Sin

**Author's Note:**

> Dear all,  
> I though about this story when I was eighteen-year-old (??) so some time ago, and I finally decided to write it.  
> I love angels and stories related to them, since one of my favorites books when I was a little girl was “Fallen” by Lauren Kate. I hope this story will be good, I know what will happen in the next chapters and I personally like it, just hope you will like it too.  
> I repeat again that English is not my first language, since maybe not everyone of you have read my other two stories, so if you find errors it’s normal.  
> I really hope you will like it,  
> Love, Isa :*

_“1.You must have one God and one only to show love and obedience to.”_

Gerard perfectly knows what his work is, what he has to do and how he has to do it, since by now he is used to this.

He knows what his role is, which are the right things to do, even if they not always are the best ones.

He is the most beautiful and important Angel after the Archangels, as God always thought he was the perfect one, the most loyal and obedient, since he knows that this job isn’t something anyone can do.

He has been doing this for decades by now, every day the same story that repeats itself, with the only difference that every day the people to be judged are different and their sins are more and more imaginative.

He doesn’t love his work, he has never loved that, as he hates when people start to cry and beg him to be kind, to be comprehensive, to be merciful, but he can’t decide, since he is just doing what God is asking him to do and nothing more.

He is the so called Angel of Death and his role is both simple but also difficult and hard. He has to just know people’s names to be able to judge them and decide where they have to spend the rest of their second endless life.

He has to simply decide if the right place for them is Heaven or Hell, but it isn’t always that simple.

He perfectly remembers the first time God told him about his new important work, and he can also remember how honored he felt, but he didn’t understand yet how bad this work can be sometimes and how it is difficult not to show emotions other than a great love for God.

He knowns that he doesn’t have to prove anything but a little bit of compassion for all the dead people he sees, but he also knows that when it happens that the person to judge is a little girl, or an old scared man, or even a child, then the things get harder…

He remembers that day when a little kid has come here, and he remembers his tears, his desperation, but he also remembers how in the end he just showed him the road for Heaven and let him go. He knows that Heaven is the most beautiful place, the most peaceful and happy, but he also knows that not everyone can be happy to be here without their family and friends.

The most difficult part is when he has to tell people they have to go to Hell, since their reaction can be aggressive or even desperate. He knows that Hell is not as humans imagine it to be, since it is just a place where you are alone all the time, where you can’t talk or see anyone and there’s not any Devil to punish them, since their punishment is an endless life with their own mind and all the time they need to think about their sins.

_He thinks it is the worst kind of punishment, since he cannot imagine himself in this condition for the eternity…_

He can’t lie, he has thought about revolt and decide to go against God’s orders, but he perfectly knows how terrible is the faith of Angels who decide to do as they want. He remembers one of them, Edward, and remembers how in the end one of the Archangels took off his wings and let him die alone. His fault was to have fallen in love with a cute human girl, but unfortunately any kind of relationship between men and Angels is forbidden.

God says that humans must ignore the existence of Angels, since we are here just to help or to punish them whenever He says us to do it, but if they should know about our existence, this would only mean trouble.

Gerard has always been fascinated by humans, always found something beautiful in their way of showing emotions, in their way of behave, and he doesn’t think it would be bad if Angels start to relate with them.  
He’s sure by now that humans love Angels and their wings, since sometimes some of them have asked him if they can touch his wings, but the answer is obviously no.

He knows that he’s beautiful, his wings are the most spectacular ones, since they’re gilded and they are bright to illuminate the road for all the lost and sad people who cannot accept the fact that they’re dead.

Even if sometimes he would have liked to say them to touch his beautiful wings, he knows that this would mean a serious fault, one of the most terrible sins an Angel can do, but he’s sure it would give some peace to these poor sad souls.

He remembers what his previous work was, what he was used to do on a daily basis, and he remembers how beautiful and rewarding was to make people smile, to help them to pass an obstacle in their life, as he was some kind of guardian Angel, as humans like to say, and he really loved to be so close to humans and their life.

He believes God "promoted" him to this new work because he was starting to become too attached to people, to their problems and dilemmas, and he was starting to help them a little too much than necessary. He doesn’t think it is a problem, after all he is capable to help them a lot with little effort, so he thought it was a great thing to support them in their life’s choices.

“Gerard, remember who you are.” The Archangels were used to say, since their role is to educate all the Angels and to help them understand what their role is.

He’s more than sure that God decided to change his job for this reason, but he misses so much these happy times…

He perfectly knows the future of Angels that become too attached to humans’ world, but he can’t help but think about a possible life as a human being. He loves being an Angel, sure, but hates to tell people how they will spend the rest of their endless life, since he loves to see humans alive, to see them happy an ready to be helped by Angels.

He hates to see them suffer and cry, as every time he feels something very different from compassion and a lot of similar to sadness and despair. He feels like saying them to hug him, he feels like telling them that _“everything will be alright”_ and that the life here isn’t that bad, but only for those who go to heaven, sure.

Today for example, he had the occasion to see three old people and a man who had a fatal stroke, and this last man couldn’t stop crying and repeat that he wanted to see his wife, to see his son, and Gerard’s heart was bleeding while hearing his screams.

_He doesn’t feel like an Angel anymore, but more like a heartless killer_.

He hopes that for today no one will die anymore, since that poor man destroyed him.

He thought about saying God that this work isn’t made for him, that he feels more like a guardian Angel, but he’s sure that God won’t understand his request, since death is a part of everyone’s life and he should feel honored to have such an important role.

Just as he’s starting to think about his sad and hard work, he sees two people coming towards him, a man and a woman, looking anything but scared. He knows how scared people usually look when they come here, but these two seem just bored and pissed.

“What’s your name?” He simply asks, like God told him to do.

“Well, you’re not even telling us good morning?” The man says, while looking at him with an ironic look.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot say anything except from what I already told you.” Gerard tries to say, while looking at them and fearing that their place will unfortunately be Hell.

“We’re Robert and Cassie Iero, we’re married.” The man says, looking less pissed and more scared, maybe because he realized what is going to happen.

He just needs few seconds to understand where they are going to spend their after-death life, but he’s not sure about how to give them the bad news.

In fact, he hasn’t found yet the right words to tell people about the not desired news, since every human reacts in a different and unique way as every human has their own story to tell.

“I’m really sorry, but I fear I don’t have good news for you…” he sadly admits while lowering his gaze “I fear that your numerous crimes and robberies won’t give you the opportunity to go to Heaven...”.

“Oh we know…” the woman sadly says “We are not two good and honest people for sure, you don’t need to be sorry…”

Gerard knows for sure that the woman is scared, that he’s sorry for all her bad actions, but it’s too late now and he can0t help her.

“If that's all, then show us the way.” The man says with a fake confident tone, and so Gerard sadly smiles and shows them with his left hand which road they need to follow.

“Is there any hope of redemption?”

“N-No…” Gerard sadly admits, with his gaze still fixed on the ground and his heart full of sadness.

“Oh, well… Then goodbye.” And they start to follow the road he showed them.

Just when they walk next to him, he notices something next to the woman, something that she’s trying to protect and hide from Gerard’s eyes.

“Ma’am wait!” he immediately says, stopping her “What do you have here?”

The woman sadly smiles at him, but she stops and turns to him, finally showing what she was trying to hide.

_It’s a child._

“I thought that at least we could have spent the rest of our life with our son, since when we were alive, we had few occasions to be together and be a happy family…” She confesses with a voice full of tears, while he approached her and finally look at the little boy.

He’s a little child, maybe six years old, and he has the biggest and pretties eyes he has ever seen. He’s afraid, which is comprehensive, and he’s hugged to his mother leg, trying to protect himself.

Gerard smiles while looking at this scene, missing the days when he was able to make little boys smile, and not cry…

“Hey little one…” he gently says not losing his smile “What’s your name?”  
“I-I’m Frank…” The child says, not losing his terrified look.

“Hi Frank, I’m Gerard, and you don’t have to be scared of me, you know?” Gerard tries to reassure him “I’m a good Angel, I’m not here to harm you, okay?”  
The child shily nods, smiling a little when Gerard offers him his hand, since Frank doesn’t have to follow his parents and go to Hell, but he has to go to Heaven.

“Your wings are gorgeous!” he says while taking Gerard’s hand “You’re the most beautiful Angel I’ve ever seen!” he adds, making Gerard laugh a little.

“Well. Thank you Frank, I like my wings too” He says while taking him far from his parents, who unfortunately are understanding what is happening.

“Can I touch them?” He suddenly asks, making grabby hands and looking at Gerard with happiness and curiosity.

Gerard knows what his answer will be, since humans can’t touch Angels’ wings, but he also knows that the future waiting for Frank won’t be happy and full of love, since he will be alone without his parents and since he’s still so young…

_For this reason, he kneels on the ground to make him touch his wings._

“They’re so soft!” Frank says while laughing “Mom, come here! You need to touch them too!”

“No baby, I know they’re soft…” His mother says with the saddest smile ever, while hugging his husband and desperately crying.

Gerard can feel the pain they’re feeling, he can feel the guilt they’re feeling now and the desperation for not seeing their son anymore.

He suggests them to move with a little head movement, for their waving them goodbye and saying them in a whisper that he will take care of him.

“Okay Frank…” he suddenly says while standing up again “We need to go now, come on” and he takes his hand again, walking in the opposite direction as the one taken by his parents.

“Wait!”  
But Frank immediately stops, turning around and desperately looking for his parents.

“What happened little one?”

“Mom and dad! We need to wait for them, they were here!”

Gerard’s heart bleeds after hearing him saying this, since he perfectly knows how his parents aren’t here anymore and how he won’t see them neither now nor ever.

“They are gone Frank, they are… well, they are…”  
“Mom! Mom!!” He desperately cries, while trying to free himself from Gerard’s grip.

“Frank please, don’t cry…” But it’s useless, since Frank is more than desperate and since Gerard’s doesn’t know how to cheer him up.

“Where thy went!? You hurt them!”

“N-No! I didn’t!” Gerard says, while kneeling again and try to explain Frank what is happening “Frank, you know that you are dead, right? That you are all dead, in a car accident.”

Frank’s eyes widen and he starts to cry even more, looking around for his mom and his dad and starting to panic.

“Hey, hey Frank, come here-”

“Don’t touch me! You hurt my mom, she said we were going to Disneyland and that we would have lot of fun…” And he continues to cry.

Gerard is really helpless by now, he doesn’t know what to do, how to cheer Frank up, how to make him understand that his parents weren’t good people and that it’s better off this way.

“I-I want my mom!”  
But how can he make a six year old boy understand all these things?

“Frank you’re fine, I mean, you will have fun in Heaven, you will be okay, I promise…”  
“I-I want my mom!!” he says crying even more “And I don’t want to be dead, I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to-”

“Frank shut up, please!” Gerard says with a severe tone while standing up “I know it is bad, I know that you’re just a child, but you’re dead and you’re going to spend the rest of our life in Heaven, is it clear?”

But obviously it is not, since he continues to cry desperately and hugs Gerard leg to find some kind of protection from this new and horrible situation.  
“You’re going to be with me…? Please Gerard, tell me you’re going to be my guardian Angel, and that you will help me to find my mom!”

And Gerard’s heart bleeds even more…

“I-I’m not Frank, my place is here, I can’t come with you…”  
“P-Please Gerard, please!” he says while hugging even more his leg “Don’t leave me…”

He’s sorry, he’s really sorry about this little boy’s future, but unfortunately he can’t help him and can’t go with him.

“I’m sorry Frank, I can’t…”  
And he obviously starts to cry even more.

“I will be alone, without my mom and my dad a-and I will be dead forever and you won’t help me…” he says in a whisper, for then let go Gerard’s leg and look at him with eyes full of hope “But you’re magic! You’re my guardian Angel, so you can help me and bringing me back to life!”  
Gerard knows that technically he can, he is the Angel of Death, sure, but this doesn’t mean he can’t bring people back to life, but unfortunately he can’t do that, and this is a job that is up to God. He kneels again and moves his hands to Frank’s shoulders, to make him understand that he’s not alone and that he has understood his problem.

“Frank I know you’re scared, b-but I can’t do that, I’m not God” he smiles at him “Believe me, I’m really sorry, but I can’t help you as you are asking me to do.”

“But you said you were a good Angel…” He sadly says, looking at him with two eyes full of hope and withheld tears.

Gerard misses being a “good Angel”, misses making people smile and bringing joy in their life, misses being a guardian Angel, and he’s tired of breaking people’s heart and hopes and making them suffer.

Frank is so young, he’s so innocent and he’s paying for his parents’ crimes, he’s going to be forever alone and that’s not how is life is going to end, since he has lots of year to live and to make spectacular.

Frank is his desire of being a good Angel again that is finally telling him to stop with this miserable work and start to act again like a real Angel.

“Okay Frank… Close your eyes.”

_And so he decides to bring Frank back to life, starting with the first of all his terrible sins._


	2. The Second Sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> Here the story begins for real, since from now on things will evolve and change in every chapter.  
> I think I will publish the next chapter in a few days more, since I have three damn exams in these days and I need to concentrate on them a little.  
> Hope you like it,  
> Love, Isa :*

_“2.Whoever will disobey their own God, will be immediately punished with the exile and will suffer and think about their own errors for the eternity.”_

Gerard knows that his actions would have led him into a miserable situation, he isn’t stupid, and he’s now cursing himself for his stupid and impulsive choice.

It all happened so quickly, a moment before he was kneeled in front of Frank, and now he is bleeding and suffering.

_He knew the risks, he was aware of the destiny of the rebel Angels, but he didn't know it would be so painful…_

He starts to cry loudly and touch desperately his wings, immediately understanding that his back, where the wings are connected to his body, is hurting and bleeding, making him curl up on the ground and suffer. The pain is so strong that he can’t even understand where he is, he just knows that he isn’t in his usual place anymore, that he isn’t on the entrance for the after-death world, and that in this place there’s too much light to make him appreciate it. He knows that this is the first of the punishments that are waiting for him, since every Angel knows the rules that must the followed and never be broken.

He tries to stand up, but the pain is so strong that he falls on his knees again and starts to pray and ask for God’s forgiveness, even if he knows that the rules must be followed without complaining.

He doesn’t know why he acted like that, why this little boy convinced him to break the rules and destroy his whole life, but he just knows he would do it again and that he hopes Frank is now okay and very much alive.

It’s obvious that it isn’t Frank’s fault, since he was just like a little consciousness simply telling him to stop acting like a heartless killer and start to be an Angel again, start to love people again and understand why Angels exists. Indeed, the most important role of every Angel is something very similar to the one that a _“guardian Angel”_ would have, since every human would be sadder and with a purposeless life if it wasn’t for them. Angels are made to inspire people, to make them try new things, to make them love and to make them live at best their short and unique life, without wasting any moment of it.

_For all these reasons he was so sorry for Frank, for this little boy who had not yet had the opportunity to live and make his life a work of art._

He loved the times when he was a part of people’s lives, when he was the reason why they laughed and loved to be alive, since he loved it too, every smile they made was so rewarding and motivating.

He can’t remember how and why God decided that the perfect role for him was becoming a “guardian Angel”, but he misses these times so much…

He’s always been an impulsive Angel, someone who cannot understand properly when to do something and how long he needs to do it, since he was used to help people by maybe increasing their luck too much, until they said _“I’m so happy!”._ He really hopes Frank is happy too now, no child should die, so he really hopes he’s having the occasion to be happy now and that his sacrifice helped him a little.

_He finally had his opportunity to escape from this miserable work God gave him, but the price is too high…_

He tries to stand up again but he fails, feeling the blood going down on his back and dropping to the ground and he knows that he has to do something to stop it. He tries to crawl since walking is too hard now, so he starts crawling and crying like the poor souls he used to tell where to spend the rest of their life. It is a very cruel comparison, since he can understand how much people suffered just now, just when he is suffering too.

While he’s crawling like a disgusting bug and trying not to slip on all the blood that there’s on the ground, he touches something that remembers a lot a leg.

“How pathetic…” someone says “You were one of his favorites ones Gerard, and you decided to blow everything up for a little boy?”

He immediately understands who he is, since he perfectly remembers this voice and the person who got it.

“Please Gabriel… Help me…”  
“I’m sure you can do it by yourself, you’re so good at doing things by yourself, or am I wrong?”

Gerard knows that Gabriel doesn’t appreciate him, he knows that he’s always been jealous of God’s love for him, since he can’t understand why God has always preferred Gerard, a normal Angel, and not him, an Archangel.

“Please Gabriel… It hurts so much, help me!”

He so decides to help him, by pulling him for the wings and so making him cry and scream for the unbearable pain.

“Here you are! Now you are standing!” He says with an annoying smirk on his face.

Gerard can’t say anything, since the pain is too strong and even talking is too painful now. He wobbles, trying not to fall on the ground again, and he tries to grip Gabriel’s arm to help him, but he promptly steps away, making him fell on his knees for the hundredth time.

“Look at you…” Gabriel says with a little laugh “I told God you were just a failure, but he continued to say that I was wrong, that you were worth it!”

“Please stop…” Gerard says, crying in the meanwhile and begging him to stop with his poisoned words.

“Why should I have? You are a failure Gerard!” he yells while pulling him by his wings again “I have covered you, I have lied for you when you accidentally, if it can be said, showed yourself to an old woman, I lied to God for you Gerard!” and then he lets go of his wings again.

“You know why I did that! She has lost his sons, his husband, she was going to kill herself because she was desperate…” Gerard tries to defend his past choice, perfectly remembering this episode and how in the end the old lady thanked him for giving her a hope to keep on living.

“Who cares about an old lady Gerard!”  
“I care!!”

Gabriel laughs at him, since he has never understood Gerard’s love for humans and their lives, finding it useless and purposeless.

“You’re always been weird Gerard, you know, you’re not an Angel at all, I don’t understand why God decided to promote you and give you this important role, since you demonstrated how useless you are.”

Gerard tries to stand up again, since he really wants to look into Gabriel eyes and tell him that humans matter, that they are important, and that Angels need them in order to find a scope to their life.

“You are so wrong Gabriel…” he says while finally standing up by himself “You’ve always been so wrong, you can’t understand how beautiful and magic is to help people, you’ve always been a good Angel, sure, you listen and follow all the rules God gave us, but I’m sure you’re not happy with your life and with yourself.”  
Gabriel smirks at him, while touching Gerard’s wings and look at his now covered in blood fingers.

“Maybe I’m wrong, sure, but at least I’m not bleeding and dying like an injured bird.” He says in Gerard’s ear, then tearing off one of the beautiful gilded feathers from his wings.

Gerard whines in pain, trying to hide and so protect its poor bleeding wings from Gabriel cruelty.

“You know that they won’t be like that anymore, right?” Gabriel asks him, while looking at the feather he has between his fingers.

“I know…” Gerard’s sadly admit, since he knows all the steps a fallen Angel must follow and so he knows that his wings are the first thing that will change.

“Clean them off and say goodbye to your beautiful wings Gerard, from now on your fall will begin and you can’t do anything to stop it.”

“Maybe I can try to talk to God an-”

“Don’t be stupid Gerard! You had your occasion and you wasted it for a common and useless child, don’t accelerate the timing of your fall.” Gabriel says with his usual severe voice, looking at him with pity.  
Gerard knows his faith is written and that he can’t do anything to change it now, so he decides to get rid of some discomfort and maybe accelerate for real his fall.

“He wasn’t a common child.” He says, finally standing up straight and looking at Gabriel eyes.

“Sorry?”  
“He wasn’t a common and useless child, he saved me, I was so done with this miserable work! He gave me the occasion to be a real Angel again!”  
After his words, Gabriel obviously laughs, thinking that Gerard is acting in a stupid and very childlike way.

“He gave you the opportunity to die, Gerard! Do you really think you will survive? You know that God can’t forgive us so easily, that is very unusual he can forgive us, moreover not after such a serious episode!”

“Well, I-I’ll try! I’ll find him, the child, and I’ll demonstrate that he isn’t a stupid human being, but that he saved me from my miserable future!” he says practically yelling “God will forgive me, I didn't give him back his life without a valid reason.”

“Good luck then Gerard, find this mysterious child and demonstrate that he was worth it, since, you know, bringing back to life someone is a very important and unique decision, so I fear you won’t be forgiven so easily.” Gabriel says, for then spreading his wings and fly away from this unknown place that Gerard is now sure to be the earth.

He’s not sure at all about his decision, he’s not sure about the fact that he will find Frank, but he needs to try, he needs to demonstrate how important this little boy was and how much he still is for him.

He’s on earth now, he’s together with humans, his beloved humans, he can ask them for help.

He also remembers Frank’s surname, which is Iero, so he will find him for sure, he believes in his capacities.

Before starting with his desperate search, he needs to exactly know where he is and, most importantly, to treat his pour wounded wings, since an Angel who can’t fly is a dead one.

_He saved Frank’s life, and now Frank will save his own one, but if only he had known what the exile of a fallen angel really consists of, he probably wouldn't be that hopeful about his future and about God’s forgiveness._


	3. The Third Sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> this is the last sad chapter, I mean, in the next one something more will definitely happen, this is just another chapter to describe better the situation and to make you understand about what Gerard is feeling and living.  
> I talk about Scotland since I spent my holidays there when I was in high school and I loved this place, I loved the atmosphere and I think it is simply the perfect place for an Angel, so melancholic and mysterious, and so full of amazing landscapes.  
> Just hope you will like it,  
> Love, Isa :*

_“3.Whoever will disobey their own God, will spend the rest of their life with the shameful mark of the Black Wings.”_

Gerard knew what happens when someone decides to go against God’s rules, so when he woke up this morning, he was not so surprised to see his beautiful wings not golden anymore.

He knows how beautiful his wings were, how much every Angel was jealous of his beautiful feathers, but now he’s nothing more but an ugly and sad crow.

His wings are black, black as a night without stars, black as his mood, black as the life waiting for him if he doesn’t start to look for Frank.

He doesn’t know why he said that Frank was worth it, that he made this unforgivable mistake because Frank was important, since he doesn’t know anything about that child. However, he knows that Gabriel is right, like he knows that he won’t find Frank, so he just decides to spend the rest of his useless days alone, suffering for his now completely empty life.

He managed to understand that he is in Scotland, the North part, where fortunately there is plenty of space available to spend the day without humans to notice him. He doesn’t know how his current situation could be worsened if a human sees him, but he really doesn’t want to find out.

He just wants to spend the rest of his life here, hidden from everyone in this wonderful and peaceful place, surrounded by nature and this melancholic atmosphere. Indeed, even if he is on earth now, it doesn’t mean that he is a human, so he doesn’t need nor food neither company, since he’s still an Angel and Angels don’t need anything to survive except from God’s love.

To be honest, he would love to have something to treat his poor wounded wings, since even if they don’t bleed anymore, they still hurt a lot and they’re all stained in dry blood.

There are plenty of streams to wash his aching wings though, but he needs something more, something like bandages to use and to change after a little bit of time.

He doesn’t know how much time left he has, he just knows that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his days aching and covered in his own blood, since he’s still an Angel, and Angels never give up.

He knows that he can maybe try to look for Frank, but for what purpose? Frank is not special, he’s just a common child, Gabriel was right, so he doesn’t know why he said that Frank was more than a common human. Being alone is a good way to think about all the choices and mistakes made, and saving Frank was the biggest and stupidest mistake ever made, a fatal one.

_He will die because he softened for a common human being, and he cannot go back in time anymore._

He knows that every human is special in their own way, but maybe not so much to change his whole life for one of them. Frank wasn’t guilty, it was his parents’ fault if he was dead, but it wasn’t God’s fault if a seven year old boy died either.

Unfortunately, Gerard sent to Heaven plenty of children and, even if it isn’t right that a new life returns so quickly to God, not everyone is so lucky and not everyone can live.

He knows that some humans think that God is evil, since why taking a child’s life? But little they know that the evil ones are them… Indeed, Gerard is more than aware of the fact that humans draw their own story and the one of the others, even if it’s not so easy to accept.

He knows that Frank’s destiny has been decided by his parents and, even if it wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t survive, these are the rules. Maybe rules are evil, sure, but unfortunately these are God’s rules and he should have thought twice about his crazy choice.

He doesn’t even know if Frank is still alive if he has to be honest, since maybe God decided to take him again, but a little and unknown part of his heart hopes that Frank is alive, and that he’s living the life everyone was trying to steal from him.

He stands up, still feeling a little bit of pain due to dry blood that is sticking his poor wings, deciding that he has to do something with the rest of his brief life, so he starts to think about a way to dress in order to hide his nature and go to the nearest city to look for something to treat his wings.

He doesn’t have clothes, he doesn’t even have a blanket to cover himself, but he knows that in this place there are sheep, so this mean that there is also someone to look at them, someone who is a human and that has for sure something to cover himself.

He knows that in this time of the year humans start to buy something to spend the following season, since now the days are getting colder and they will soon start to dress in that funny way. He loves humans, since he can’t understand why they need to wear these heavy and ugly jackets in order to not feel the cold, but now he cann0t help but feeling happy, since he knows that in this way hiding his wings will be easier. He also knows that sooner or after the human looking at the sheep will return home, since the warm days are ending, and sheep need a more convenient place to spend the rest of their life.

He so starts to walk towards the place he saw sheep for the last time, but he cannot find anything but some wool they probably lost there without noticing. He needs something more, something like one of these heavy and ugly jackets that he finds so funny, so he continues with his research.

Fortunately he doesn’t have to search for the man for too long, since he has found something very similar to a little house, so he immediately understands that here is where the human rests at night. He tries to approach the place without making a noise, since he doesn’t know if the human is here and he also doesn’t know how he would react seeing someone with two big black wings on his back.

He sees that there are also some sheep around the little house, but fortunately there is no one to be seen.

“Umh… Hello…?” He says while getting even closer.

“Don’t want to scare anyone, I’m just here to ask for help, I-I’m wounded, and I need a little bit of help.” But even this time, he receives no response.

He then decides to enter, to see if he can find something to cover himself, but as soon as he walks in, he freezes immediately.

 _The human is here, having his lunch_.

“Argh, this damn old door! It decides to open whenever it wants!” he complains while standing up and walking towards the door “I’m so glad I will get back home next week!” and he sits down again, in order to finish his meal.  
Gerard isn’t sure about what is happening, he isn’t sure about this being the reality or just some kind of illusion, since the man walked in front of him saying nothing.

“I-I’m sorry sir, didn’t mean to storm into your place without permission, but I’m looking for a jacket o-or something to cover myself.”

But even in this case, the man says nothing.

However, he can see how the dog sitting at the man feet is barking loudly at him, looking scared and probably trying to protect his human friend. He doesn’t understand, the dog sees him, but the man seems to totally ignore his presence.

“Don’t be scared little friend, please stop barking at me!” Gerard says, but the dog just continues to bark more angrily.

“Hey Sam, stop it stupid dog! It’s just the wind, stop barking, you idiot!” The man says, so Gerard is now convinced that he can’t see him for real, that he is invisible and living his own Hell like the poor souls he was used to see. He has always been afraid of the destiny of all the souls who have to spend heir life in Hell, since they will be alone, they will be alone for the rest of their endless life, and this is his biggest fear.

_He hates being alone, he can’t think about a life spent without anyone since it would be simply unlivable and empty._

He doesn’t want to believe that humans cann0t see hum though, he wants to believe that maybe it’s just a single case that this man can’t see him, but he really doubts so…  
Not able to wait any longer and wanting to discover the truth, he decides to take the man’s jacket on the chair near to him, since he cann0t see him and there is no way that he can kindly ask him to borrow his jacket. He’s quite desperate, he needs to take the damn jacket and run as fast as he can to the nearest city to discover if other humans can see him or not, since he can’t accept to spend the rest of his days completely alone.

“What the fuck!? Ghosts??”

He quickly takes the jacket and runs out of the house, feeling like a thief and terrified about his dark future. As soon as he’s far enough from the poor man, he wears the big and ugly jacket, hoping that someone will see him and so that this theft was worth something.

He knows that stealing something is a sin and he really doesn’t need to worsen his situation anymore, but he’s not able to believe that beyond exile, God decided to make his invisible to humans’ sight…

He starts to run, since his wings are too damaged to let him fly, and he tries to remember the name of the nearest city that some human named the other day while he was taking a walk with a friend. It was something similar to Inver, or maybe Ivern, he can’t remember, but he just knows that by now he is desperate and hopeless.

Spending the rest of his days like a ghost is something terrifying and God knows how much he is terrified of being alone… God knows everything, especially Angles fears and desires so he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he is invisible for real.

He continues to run, not caring about being seen and not caring about where he’s going, since he just wants to see someone, to meet a human and ask them if they can see him.

When he finally notices a street behind a tree, he starts to cry, and he doesn’t know if these are tears of happiness or fear, since Angels shouldn’t feel emotions, but Gerard was never good at being a good Angel…

When he gets over the street, he can finally see a road sign saying _“Inverness”_ , so he immediately understands that he has finally arrived in the city he was thinking about.

“Hey! Can someone help me!?” he yells, hoping that someone can hear and see him “I-I’m wounded, please! I need help!” but there is none expect from a stray cat really scared.

He so deicides to look more accurately, and when he finally finds an old man sitting in front of his some, he smiles full of joy.  
“Hi sir, my name is Gerard and I-sir…?”

His smile quickly turns into a scared expression, since the man doesn’t seem to have heard or seen anything. Gerard tries to be positive, and so he decides to look for someone else, maybe a woman, since until now he has only saw men.

“Good afternoon ma’am, I’m Ger-” But she can’t see him either.

He kneels on the ground and starts to cry like a little kid, like the little kids he was used to cheer up when he was a guardian Angel and he loved his work, he loved his life.

“Can anyone hear me!?” He tries to yell, but no one answers.

He finally understands why Gabriel wished him good luck with this amused expression, because he knew about his sad future, he was just waiting for Gerard to find out by himself.

He curls up on the road, not caring about people walking near or even over him, since he isn’t here, he isn’t real, he isn’t alive.

He continues to cry, tears of sadness and despair like the ones of this Frank boy when he found out about his parents’ death. He curses himself, he ruined his whole life just because of a common child and now he’s alone and no one can help him.

“I-I regret it…” he murmurs “I regret it!” he yells after, for then adding a “please God forgive me…” and continuing to cry helplessly.

_If he only he had searched more carefully, maybe he wouldn't be crying so desperately, and maybe he would have found a new reason to live and to hope for…_


End file.
